My grandfather sent this [an email] to me.
Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a military hospital door to colonoscopy:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
On a plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
Another plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan:
"Seven days without pizza makes one weak."
Another pizza shop slogan:
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a drycleaners:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At an electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a propane filling station:
"Tank heaven for little grills."
And last but certainly not least, the sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."